Wise Teacher, Wise Student: Tibetan Approaches to a Healthy Relationship

By Alexander Berzin
Snow Lion Publications

Wise Teacher, Wise Student by Alexander Berzin explores the intricate and complex relationship between Western students and Eastern teachers. This particular type of relationship has its own unique set of challenges due to language barriers, cultural divides, and occasionally conflicting expectations. Berzin focuses on bridging the gap between the two worlds by exploring the student-teacher relationship through the Tibetan Buddhist outlook and its implications for Western students.

The text explores the basics of Tibetan Buddhism, including what a typical spiritual seeker in traditional Tibet would look like. I appreciated that Berzin provided information about the influence on Chinese occupation of Tibet as a means of bringing Tibetan Buddhism to the West. While this occupation is indeed tragic, it has provided the vehicle for Western students to learn about and participate in spiritual rituals and practice. I found this to be an important piece of information for understanding why this particular type of relationship needed special exploration in the first place. According to Berzin, Western spiritual seekers are very different from their Eastern counterparts. Tibetan seekers usually start their spiritual journey and education at a very young age, while most Western students begin their study as adults, after receiving a formal education, and expecting equality and full knowledge of each and every step of the spiritual journey.

After exploring these differences, Berzin touched on foundational concepts and ideas such as the Four Noble Truths and the Eight Fold Path, rectified terms, including the differences and misconceptions surrounding the terms guru and lama; and laid out basic requirements for a seeker and teacher. While this was only the first of three sections of the book, this one definitely feel the heaviest and most time consuming due to the sheer volume of information it contained. The other two sections explored the dynamics of a healthy relationship with a spiritual teacher, and unhealthy relationship behaviors such as fear, overdependence, and even rebellion. These two I found much more interesting, although somewhat dry.

The section that struck me most was on the importance of establishing a relationship based on respect. Part of establishing a healthy relationship with a mentor is focusing on that mentor’s good qualities and strengths. This is not to say that the student should ignore the bad qualities or shortcomings of their mentor, but that they should mediate and focus their energy on the positive attributes. By dwelling on the negative aspects and things one doesn’t like about their teacher, a student can potentially miss out on the lessons and parts that are positive. I found this to be a great overall piece of advice for engaging in any sort of relationship, be it with a spiritual teacher, a friend, family member, or partner. Many times relationships, of any kind, can be trying and difficult, but if you can focus on the things you appreciate about the person, you’ll be much more willing or in a place to engage in a respectful and healthy manner. Any relationship based on respect, on behalf of both parties engaged, has the greatest chance at being healthy and fruitful for all involved.

On a whole, I found the book to be very overwhelming. There was a lot of important information packed into relatively small sections. At times, it assumed the reader had a slightly greater than basic understanding of Buddhist concepts and practices, but at others, found space to break down actual terms into digestible nuggets of information. Due to this strange assumption about the knowledge base of the reader, I had a difficult time figuring out who the target audience for such a book would be. While I understand the desire to appeal to and be useful to a wider audience, I found it difficult to navigate some of the information. I found it most appropriate for a class at a Dharma center, or an intermediate course on Buddhism.

Review by Liz Martin

The Power and the Pain: Transforming Spiritual Hardship into Joy

By Andrew Holecek
Snow Lion Publications

In The Power and the Pain, Andrew Holecek divides chapters of his teachings by the Three Turnings, or teachings, of the dharma, and associates different cycles of suffering with each. Applying Buddhist principles to different hardships and difficulties along the Buddhist Path, he writes to help those cope with obstacles we stumble upon while moving forward.

In “Hardship as Loss of the Feminine” Holecek explains the concepts of masculine and feminine principles in relation to suffering. In Buddhist cosmology, Holecek writes, ladies come first. I took this chapter with the understanding that Holecek writes on Tibetan Buddhist ideologies being transmitted through Western society, and any critique would require an analysis that takes this into consideration.

Holecek uses terminology that is specific to Buddhism, but it is definitely not only for Buddhists. The Three Turnings are presented as a template for hardships that arise on a spiritual path. Holecek makes the point early on that one might enter the path unconsciously, and what I got from that was the idea that these practices would be beneficial for healing the heart and spirit, even if one doesn’t necessarily believe they are on a spiritual path.

Life is never as tidy as going from Point A to Point B to Point C, and it was possible to read select chapters and not feel you were missing anything. I received The Power and the Pain during a most spiritually tiring time in my life. I was going back to school after a five year hiatus, and the kids were on their summer break (and this meant childcare issues, or lack thereof). These challenges were coupled with serious transitions happening at work. Being a non-linear reader, I randomly opened the book to start reading and found this: “If you are wondering where you should go on your path, look into those areas that scare you and you will find your next step.” That seemed pretty right on.

Even though I am not a practicing Buddhist, I found that The Power and the Pain spoke to me as a guide, and I often went back to passages that connected how outside pressures and events can affect one’s spirit, which made the connection click.

Review by Noemi Martinez

Meredith Monk: Inner Voice

Directed by Babeth M. VanLoo
Buddhist Broadcasting Foundation



Dutch Filmmaker Babeth VanLoo’s compelling tribute to sixty-seven-year-old choreographer-musician-teacher-composer-artist Meredith Monk does many things. In addition to introducing us to this enigmatic Jane of many trades, it showcases the artist’s creative processes and worldview. Along the way, it looks at the ways Buddhism has infused Monk’s work. “Silence is her source,” VanLoo explains.

The engrossing eighty-two-minute film includes footage of Monk performing, writing, and living in both upstate New York and New Mexico. The 2002 death of her life-partner, Mika, is mentioned, but this is not a film about grieving. Instead, the life force that propels Monk—she has been awarded numerous honorary degrees as well as a MacArthur “Genius” award—is both celebrated and explored.

Monk’s thought processes—and the questions that keep her up at night—are shared. "How do you practice fear?" she wonders. “So much of what we do is fear based. We’re afraid of the fear, of walking through it.” That realization led Monk to begin writing a piece of music that eventually became "Scared Song." Like everything she does, the final product was developed collaboratively. Her process is fascinating, since the massive ego of most composers is wholly absent in Monk. Instead, her colleagues describe her welcoming attitude, and site her willingness to accommodate suggestions and contributions by the musicians and actors she performs with.

Philip Bither, Senior Curator at Minneapolis’ Walker Art Center, calls her “one of the seminal people of our time. She resists categorization and has created great work in five, six areas of art. That’s really rare. We tend to categorize people as actors, singers, dancers.” Similarly, choreographer Phoebe Neville marvels at Monk’s ability to avoid what she calls “the trap of success. She has always maintained her integrity and has been able to say ‘no,’” Neville says. This, she continues, has fired Monk‘s creativity for forty-plus years, and has helped her avoid burnout and exhaustion.

In the end, it’s a question of balance—and Monk is the poster woman for this value. Whether working alone or with others, she acknowledges the need to take periodic timeouts. This has allowed her to continually recharge, think, and observe. “As a soloist,” Monk says, “I can be very precise and rigorous, but at the same time I am open and fluid to what is happening in the moment. That’s why I like to work without words. It throws the mind into a very different state.”

Indeed, listening to Monk’s vocalizations—her range is enormous—is virtually guaranteed to take listeners on a journey. Since the words are essentially nonsense—made up of sounds that have no literal meaning—you can infuse the music with significance or can simply let your mind wander and experience what you’re hearing. It’s a sensual, exciting, and unusual encounter—and VanLoo captures it brilliantly.

While the film could have used a bit more background about Monk’s early life—it does mention that a childhood eye infirmity led her to listen closely to music and notes that both her mother and maternal grandfather were successful performers—and might have included footage of Monk discussing the ways aging has impacted her efforts, it is nonetheless lovely. In the end, this short introduction to Monk’s life’s work—and the way she integrates spirituality into her artistic process—is inspiring. Van Loo’s love of Monk shines through, but the fact that she avoids fawning makes Meredith Monk: Inner Voice an insightful look at one of the most innovative and fearless artists of our time.

Review by Eleanor J. Bader

Tattoos on the Heart: The Power of Boundless Compassion

By Gregory Boyle
Free Press

At times, I could almost hear my heart breaking as I read this book by Father Gregory Boyle, a Jesuit priest who works with hardened gang members in Los Angeles and assists with reintegrating them back into society through his organization Homeboy Industries. Boyle founded Homeboy Industries to provide encouragement and support in the form of jobs and vocational training to former gang members who have expressed a desire to rehabilitate themselves.

Not only did my heart break more than once while reading this book, I found myself inspired by Boyle’s recounting of his experiences during the past twenty years in the barrios of East L.A. What kept this book from being flat out disheartening in terms of the obstacles that Boyle and the gang members are up against (Boyle has officiated at the funerals of hundreds of children, adolescents, and adults over the years as a result of gang violence) is Boyle’s sense of humor and faith that glimmers in the stories that he tells. His stories reminded me of homilies strung together to create a beautiful testimony to faith and humanity amongst tragedy and despair.

Boyle is also well schooled in the street language of his homies, which adds even more reality and credibility to his retelling of events. This is a priest who used to ride around on his bike to some of the most dangerous parts of L.A. at all times of the day or night to tend to his flock. Boyle doesn’t share these stories as a means to laud his bravery or piety, but to tell the stories of lost generations of individuals who find themselves in a seemingly unbroken cycle of violence, and to remind us of their humanity. Many of these former gang members were abused by parents or left to raise themselves with no resources or role models. Boyle writes of taking some of his homies to a sit down restaurant for the first time and how these normal day-to-day experiences that we take for granted are as foreign to them as riding a spaceship. Boyle also tells of the death threats he has received as a result of his work from people who don’t believe gang members can or should be rehabilitated.

According to the text, there are:

1,100 gangs encompassing 85,000 members in Los Angeles County, and Boyle Heights had the highest concentration of gang activity in the city. Since Father Greg—also known affectionately as G-dog—started Homeboy Industries more than twenty years ago, it has served members of more than half the gangs in Los Angeles.

I laughed and cried while reading this book. Boyle has a master’s degree in English and has received numerous awards, including the California Peace Prize. He sprinkles quotes of famous spiritual leaders of all faiths throughout his text, including Mother Theresa and Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddhist monk, poet and peace activist. While I found this book painful to read at times, I also found it to be transformative.

Review by Gita Tewari

The Horse Boy

Directed by Michel O. Scott
Zeitgeist Films



The Horse Boy is an emotionally stirring, thought-provoking examination of autism and its effects on familial life. Based on the autobiographical book of the same name, this powerful documentary examines the life of Rowan, the autistic child of journalist and horse trainer Rupert Isaacson and his wife, psychology professor Kristin Neff. The film documents Isaacson and Neff’s struggle to understand autism and bring comfort to their son.

Rowan suffers from severe tantrums, but his anxieties seem to disappear when he approaches horses. After countless Western treatments fail to ease Rowan’s symptoms, Isaacson decides to seek Eastern therapies. Isaacson and his wife travel with Rowan into the heart of Mongolia on horseback, seeking the spiritual aid of shamans. The film is, as Isaacson himself says, “a story about how, as a family, we did something crazy…in search of a miracle.”

The Horse Boy follows the family’s journey through the steppes of Mongolia. Their hope is that shaman’s can help heal Rowan—not to ‘cure’ his autism, but to ease his painful and dysfunctional behaviors. At its most basic level, The Horse Boy is about understanding autism, but the film is really about the bond between parent and child. The success of the film (and the power of the couples love for their son) is that the spectator understands why Isaacson and Neff are willing to be whipped by a shaman during a ceremony merely for the hope of bringing comfort to their son. The love they have for their child is evident in every frame of this film.

The Horse Boy offers no solutions or answers, but it does offer hope. Rowan’s transformation during this trip is powerful and real—he returns to the States a happier, calmer child. Whatever the cause of Rowan’s healing, it is clear that he has found some element of peace during the trip. The Horse Boy suggests there is hope of understanding autism and providing healing to autistic children.

Review by Joanna Chlebus

The Subtle Body: The Story of Yoga in America

By Stefanie Syman
Farrar, Straus and Giroux

If you assume, as I did, that yoga came to the United States via the Maharishi in the 1970s, you’ll be surprised again and again as you read Stefanie Syman’s The Subtle Body. This intensively researched history reveals an unexpected American familiarity with yoga as early as the late eighteenth century, and a steady underground pursuit of yoga’s fundamental nature that burst into a national obsession in the past decade.

The Transcendentalists may be credited with bringing interest in the Eastern philosophies to polite Western society. It cannot be said, however, that Emerson and friends had a firm grasp on what yoga was or, for that matter, any interest in the discipline. Nevertheless, the study of The Bhagavad Gita led to a slow blossoming of yogic practices, and by the late nineteenth century, yoga was a key component of a spiritual retreat in Maine. It was there that Swami Vivekananda instructed his flock of mostly female followers in the practice of yoga, even delving into “Kundaline” and meditation. The part of the general public that was aware of the goings-on viewed the whole situation with a suspicious eye. Was it quackery or pagan religion? The same question issues from a large portion of the population to this day.

Though not a focus of Syman’s book, it is interesting to note that women were (and remain) the bulk of yogic followers and supporters. From the conversion of Woodrow Wilson’s daughter to Garbo and Swanson, women flocked to yoga and Hinduism, either in search of spiritual enlightenment or weight loss and beauty.

The Subtle Body is a hearty volume, better suited for the serious student of yoga than for the dilettante. Syman balances her research with profound characterization of the key players and delivers an exceptionally fast-paced but thorough history of Eastern spiritual and physical paths as they blended into and assimilated Western culture.

Review by Deborah Adams

A Complete Guide to the Buddhist Path

By Khenchen Konchog Gyaltshen
Snow Lion Publications

I guess I was expecting more of a “Buddhism for idiots” type of book when I picked up A Complete Guide to the Buddhist Path by Khenchen Konchog Gyaltshen (a title which means, roughly, “great abbot”). For better or worse, that’s not what this book is. Before I read the book, I knew nothing of Buddhism except that some people call it a philosophy rather than a religion and Buddhist nuns have to shave their heads upon joining their order. I don’t know why I knew those two things and nothing else, but nevertheless I was pretty ignorant of all things Buddhist.

A Complete Guide to the Buddhist Path is commentary based on The Jewel Treasury of Advice: A Hundred Teachings From the Heart by Drikung Bhande Dharmaradza (1704-1754). Each of the 103 verses—plus some introductory verses—is taken as its own piece of wisdom and expounded upon in one to four pages by Gyaltshen. I read through it as one would a novel—not something I’d recommend since there’s a lot of material and quite a bit of repetition from one verse’s exposition to the next. (The preface by the editor warns of the repetition, but I didn’t pay much attention to that until I started thinking, “Hey, didn’t we go over this already?”) In fact, the author and editor anticipated reading the book in sections so that each verse would be contemplated fully before going on. Each verse and commentary is a complete thought and could have its own review, so writing about the entire book in such broad terms is difficult.

Most of the verses in The Jewel Treasury of Advice end with the words, “This is my heart’s advice.” Gyaltshen writes, “[Bhande Dharmaradza] is giving this advice from his heart, completely for the benefit of others. So we should sincerely take it into our heart.” I liked the Advice about the Six Perfections the most. The six perfections are: generosity, moral ethics, patience, perseverance, meditative concentration, and wisdom awareness. While I don’t think reading this book all the way through like a novel is a good idea, I also don’t think a reader should read the verses out of order. The author of the commentary mentions words like samasara, dharma, and skandha, and only defines them the first time. If the book is read out of order, those definitions are lost to the reader, although there is a glossary of terms and names at the end.

This book works better as a meditation tool for those who have already been introduced to Buddhism. It does not work well as an introductory text, despite what the title might suggest.

Review by Viannah Duncan

Captivity

By Deborah Noyes
Unbridled Books

Captivity is a historical novel based on the true story of the Fox sisters, who claimed they could communicate with the dead. Able to convince a group of people of their abilities, they garnered a following that would grow to become a religious movement known as American Spiritualism, or simply Spiritualism. The three Fox sisters relied on raps to communicate with the dead, having the spirits count off the letters, words, and numbers they were trying to say.

Deborah Noyes uses the history of the Fox sisters and then builds on it with the story of Clara Gill. Clara has suffered the death of a loved one and while she is skeptical at the ability of the Fox sisters, she begins to embrace the possibility of reconnecting with the spirit of the love she lost. The novel switches back and forth between Clara’s narrative and that of the Fox sisters—particularly Maggie who, in the novel, works for some time at Clara’s house.

One of the things I liked best about this book is the fact the way each chapter shifts between the women’s points of view. I’m a big fan of nontraditional narratives because I feel it keeps the momentum going and keeps the reader interested. Even more to my liking, Clara’s story jumps a bit through time. In the first few Clara-centric chapters, for instance, you learn that she has suffered some sort of loss that has left her reclusive from even her father, the only family she has left. What you don’t immediately learn is how she got this way. As her narrative unfolds, the reader it taken back about ten years to explain her past, but it takes several chapters to get to the full story. People who prefer traditional narratives will likely get very frustrated that it takes so long to understand what’s going on.

Because communicating with spirits is already a seemingly fictional topic, it was hard to separate fiction from the alleged reality, and it certainly sparked some interest in me to learn more about the Fox sisters and Spiritualism. Within minutes of finishing the book, I was online, searching for Spiritualism and the history of the Fox sisters. From the little I could find out, it certainly seems that Noyes spent quite some time researching for this novel.

In the end, though, it doesn’t really matter what’s fact and what’s fiction. The novel is written in the third-person, but Noyes still describes what people are thinking and feeling enough for the reader to become invested in the characters. On top of that, she was able to pull me into the story and believe everything she’s presenting as complete truth. It’s rare that a novel can do that with as much ease as this one.

Review by frau sally benz

Transcendent in America: Hindu-Inspired Meditation Movements as New Religion

By Lola Williamson
New York University Press

Although I don’t do it every day, yoga and meditation help me manage physical and mental injuries that I received from previous trauma. It certainly calms my chaotic mind and keeps pain at bay. I have bonded with other practitioners, but I’ve never gone on a retreat or invested time in training beyond basic poses or ten minute meditations. My expectations of what Lola Williamson’s book about meditation movements in the U.S. were modest at best, as a result of my limited experiences with it.

The practice of meditation, and following a guru, to the point of making it a lifestyle is commonplace in America. It’s been going on for far longer than I had assumed, and suffice to say, Transcendent in America breaks down a lot of my previous assumptions. Mainstream media gives so much press to the evangelical Christians that there is little room for other faiths. Williamson does not create a polar comparison of traditional American Christian denominations and the Hindu-Inspired Meditation Movements (HIMM), but provides similarities along with differences, and suggests that the definition of religion itself is changing.

HIMMs, like institutionalized Christianity, are no stranger to corruption and the sexual abuse of followers (particularly minors). Like the Roman Catholic Church, HIMMs have a history of either covering up or downplaying cases of child abuse within its groups. Religious or spiritual organizations need to devise systems of checks and balances to deal with their hierarchies and potential corruption.

The issue of spirituality is gray, not black or white, and Transcendent in America argues this point well. Each individual is the determining factor in whether to embrace HIMM, traditional religion, or none at all. Interview excerpts are provided to show the diverse nature of people in America who succeed or fail at their perspective choices of faith. Whatever they choose, followers look to religion for similar reasons, including a sense of security, collective inclusion, and direction.

Decisions are based on so many uncontrolled variables—such as environment, background, and mental health—that even current science cannot measure or validate individual experiences involving meditation. Williamson shows that is okay, because it isn’t about clinical research, it’s about finding balance between the material and spiritual worlds.

I do not foresee myself exploring 'Eastern'-style meditation further by reading some of the writings of various gurus or joining an ashram any time soon, but thanks to Transcendent in America, I have developed a better sense of the complexities and history behind the Westernized form of yoga I participate in. It’s also given me a deeper understanding of how diverse America’s spiritual tapestry has become and how it continues to grow.

Review by Nicolette Westfall

A Book of Silence

By Sara Maitland
Counterpoint

I'm not sure why I wanted to read A Book of Silence; I think I must have read a review somewhere because, as a memoir by a religious feminist, it seems an unlikely choice for me. But when I came upon it on Green Metropolis, I decided to buy it—a bargain since I got the hardback edition.

Another weird thing about this book is the feeling I have that somewhere, sometime I've met the author... a very strange feeling, indeed. Sara Maitland is a novelist who, over the last few years, seems to have been slowly withdrawing from society in search of silence. The silence she seeks is the kind in which one immerses oneself for prayer, amongst other things. A Book of Silence tells not only of her journey—including trips to places associated with silence, such as deserts, woods, hermitages, hillsides and mountains—but also of her reading books and poetry that discuss silence, and her gradual realization that she needs to withdraw from the noisy pace of modern life.

There are many different silences, and ways of being silenced. Some are forced upon us (e.g., solitary confinement and exile), but many others are chosen (e.g., retreats and withdrawal). Maitland describes the different way she experimented with silence: sitting in the desert, walking in the mountains, living in a remote cottage on Skye for forty days. She explores other people who have written about silence, particularly nuns, monks, and other religious followers (not just Christians, like herself).

All in all, I'm not sure I enjoyed A Book of Silence, although for some reason I kept reading. It made me think about the noise we are continuously surrounded by, and also made me realize that although I enjoy my own company I'm rarely silent in the way that Maitland means. She ends the book by telling how she (partly) manages to find the requisite silence, and how even then it isn't (and can't be) complete.

Review by Ms. Moll

Cross-posted from Ms Moll's Reading Year

Societies of Peace: Matriarchies Past, Present and Future

Edited by Heide Goettner-Abendroth
Inanna Publications

In a time when it seems we have lost our sense of humane, egalitarian living Societies Of Peace stands out as a guide to what we can learn from matriarchies in order to save ourselves from self-destruction. This book is a collection of the presentations from the two World Congresses on Matriarchial studies. The lecturers spoke about matriarchal theory and politics and the origins of patriarchy, and profiled historical and present day matriarchs who vary ideologically from patriarchs in four main societal sectors.

Politically, matriarchies are free of power structures. Everyone in the clan has one vote and decisions are based on consensus. Hence, the society is egalitarian. This structure allows for a balanced economy, the second variance from patriarchies.

Most of these economies are agriculturally based, which makes wealth hoarding impossible, and without the ability to accumulate wealth, there is very little conflict or war. Hospitality and compassion for those less fortunate is also valued in these societies.

Becoming a woman, being pregnant, giving birth, and becoming a grandmother are sacred foundations of matriarchies, and the mother is the center of society. Clans live together in the same house and family lineage is marked through the maternal bloodline. Daughters do not leave their homes; rather, husbands join their wives’ clans. Spirituality is based on an omnipotent goddess, the creator of all that is manifested in every living person, plant, and animal. From daily worship to festivals, spirituality an integral part of the society.

The following seven parts of the book provide examples of the differences in practice in matriarchies gained from individual community studies and are divided by global region. In “Matriarchal Principles for Economies and Societies of Today,” Veronica Bennholdt-Thompson describes what the patriarchal Western economy can learn from the Isthmus-Zapotec community of southern Mexico. The market prices fluctuate depending in the customers’ loyalty to the vendor, which encourages a close-knit, community-based economy. Bennholdt-Thompson comments that Western woman finding salvation in wage working is alienating and unnatural and that since women are inherently linked to creation, not realizing one's role as a giver of life is a betrayal of one's female existence.

Malika Grasshoff (Makilam) describes the influence of modern Islam on the ancient spiritual practices of the Berber people of modern day Algeria, Tunisia and Morocco. The Berber language is only spoken, not written, and is passed down by elders who are considered to be living holy books. Accordingly, older tribal spiritual practices still have modern-day influence. These spoken word histories are called taqbaylit, which is also the same word for “woman.” Despite French colonization of the region and widespread conversion to Islam, the traditions of this society still remain a stronghold.

The last remaining sections of the book offer theories of the origins of patriarchies. In “Saharasi: The Origins of Patriarchal Authoritarian Culture in Ancient Desertification,” James Demeo credits droughts, starvation, and malnutrition for the fall of matriarchies in central Africa. The human body, when put under such circumstances, has less emotional and sexual energy, which puts a strain on the ultimate foundation of the creation-based matriarchies: reproduction.

Societies Of Peace is truly fascinating on an anthropological level. It is also as a call to action to create egalitarian and peaceful societies.

Review by Sara Custer

Tune Him In, Turn Him On: Using Intuition to Find and Keep the Man of Your Dreams

By Servet Hasan
Llewellyn Publications

Relationship advice can be a tricky and sensitive topic at times. Over time you learn not to take it from anyone except a small number of entrusted friends. In Servet Hasan's Tune Him In, Turn Him On, the author takes a new approach to dating men: actively developing and applying your intuition. Those of us who rely on our gut feeling and are into spiritual activities, like opening our chakras and visualizing auras, may appreciate Hasan’s blend of spirituality and boy guidance.

I found this book to be geared toward younger women who are feeling lost in their love lives and insecure in their relationship abilities. Hasan offers gentle exercises that give the readers support and energy during difficult moments when they want to stop obsessing over a guy and start focusing on their deeper selves. For example, one of her meditations includes letting go of old relationship baggage by visualizing suitcases filled with past memories floating down a river until they are out of sight. Another exercise is a more traditional golden light meditation that helps readers replenish their inner core and connect with their relationship goals.

I found some of Hasan's confident generalizations about “all men” limiting. These generalizations didn't always make sense to me because I've met men who are “naturally born talkers” or who have admitted they are in love, contrary to Hasan’s assertions. It could be that the book is tailored to help seduce a certain type of man or for women mainly focused on marriage. Either way, creating more distance between the genders with the “us” against “them” perspective and reinforcing heteronormative ideals in the dating game is not something that I happily took away from this book.

Overall, Hasan covers all the dating basics and pushes readers to really think about their own love goals, whatever they may be: opening up to someone new, dating, or marriage. She spends several chapters talking about how women should work on their relationships with themselves before going out to find 'the man of their dreams'. Hasan even guarantees that once you fall in love with yourself, your ideal man will come to you, instead of you having to go out and search for him.

Review by Cinthia Pacheco